1) When you meet someone new, you open with “My name is ____________ and let me save you the trouble: I get my protein from plants. Lots and lots of plants.”
2) Herbivore remixing a shirt is more exciting than any other “remix” you’ve ever encountered.
3) Your idea of fun is asking a Paleo dieter for their stance on slavery, human sacrifice, infanticide and some of the other “traditional” barbarisms that early humans engaged in.
“I love my dog! I love animals! I love them so much I require a collar of their fur around me at all times!”
4) Your definition of irony is a person wearing a Canada Goose jacket while walking their dog.
5) Despite having super healthy blood pressure (thanks, plants!), the mere mention of Lierre Keith or Dan Murphy causes a sudden, violent spike.
6) You think Bob Harper is literally the biggest loser.
7) You wish Gene Baur was your boyfriend. Or Dad.
8) You wince when the words “vegan” and “diet” are placed next to one another. IT’S A WORLDVIEW, MOTHERTRUCKERS.
9) Your favourite sport is cognitive wrestling, in which your opponent is the inflammatory carnist, who floats around in cyberspace and proclaims that just for all the vegans out there, they’ll “eat TWO steaks fer dinner 2nite!”
10) All you want for Christmas is animal liberation.
LOVE!
And I love YOU!
Hilarious! #5! OMZ, FUNNY and I second the LOVE!
Hilarious! #5! OMZ FUNNY and I second the LOVE :)
I swear, if one more person asks me how my “diet” is going and when I’ll be done I will shove their ham and cheese sandwich straight down their throat (which I already feel like doing anyway).